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Because of your requests, here is the first part of our book - Rambo - 06-29-2014
Rambo and CoComando Welcome to the First Time
When my wife and I decided on a trip to JA in Feb of 1984, we had felt because of our trips to the Bahamas we would be ready for anything, boy, we were wrong.
Our flight a charter out of Chicago landed at Montego Bay we taxied over to a large metal building at the very end of the airport, this was the charter terminal,the passage into what we would find as our heaven here on Earth, but only after going through a little bit of Hell first.!
The door opened to the hot, humid air mixing with the smell of Jet fuel and what I'm sure was the same odor when our septic would be serviced, and way too many martinis on the flight, and I had a stuffed up head from the flight and couldn't hear well, we stumbled down the stairs dragging our bags along. The heat seemed oppressive and we walked passed a high cyclone fence that held behind it some of the most tanned and TIRED looking people I have ever seen.All eyes that met mine seemed to have that "thousand Yard" stare that we heard about. Only at that time I did not know it wasn't battle fatigue we were seeing but "leaving da island" look.People were trying to pass me bags, little plastic bags of all different colors
and were saying "enjoy" "had extra" "cant just throw it away" not knowing what the bags held and being slightly deaf from the flight I smiled to all and said "No thanks" We entered an area that was, if it could be possible was even hotter, with long tables and were told to place our luggage on them for inspection, a very large black man in a sweaty shirt asked me if I had anything I shouldn't have I said no and he motioned my wife and I on. We grabbed our bags and walked into a shouting mass of people holding signs, we saw our Tour guide and she told us to sit tight and would locate the rest of our group, after sitting and seeing people leave I said ,"Come On honey, lets hit the road". Not knowing our Travel Host would be frantic for the next few days looking for us, we headed out for Adventure..
Next Episode Mud Man arrives and Ganja changes hands
As we left the hot-steamy, metal walled, one fanned, Imm and Arrival Bldg. We were greeted by a mass of people trying to get our attention, "RIDE-MON??".... all shouting names of places that we had never heard of. We spotted one guy standing off to0 one side, and I nodded to him, and with a jerk of his head pointed to a red Lada parked across under a tree. We circled around the group and the man grabbed our 5 bags( now we travel much lighter) and before we knew it he was out of the gate and had the
Lada's doors all opened,trunk lid up and the smallest dash fan in the world, barely turning, blowing the hot-humid air in a steady click-click-click.
He tossed the bags in the back and proudly stated "WELCOME TO JAMACIA-WHERE ARE WE OFF TO THIS FINE DAY? MY NAME IS BIG WHEELER"
I having a terrible time with names and not sure of what he said proclaimed,
"OCEAN-BREEZES WITH A STOP ON THE WAY-MAN" ....... I had heard about the famous Ja Ganja and because we were staying at a resort in MoBay called SEA WIND, that because of its location on a man made peninsula, and two security gates, obtaining some might be a little restricted, I had decide that we should ask a Cabbie.( Diff Country-Same Sh*t). He looked at me with a strange look as we headed toward MoBay at at least 200 miles per hour,barley missing the cliff wall as we tried very hard to hit everybody walking, that somehow stepped out of the way at the last second without ever looking back!He asked "Where to?" I looked at him thinking "Jeeze's these people don't listen very well, when my wife, Bless Her Heart" pipes up and says
"SeaWind but first a stop along the Way", he laughed and said "OK- I thought he said something about "Stoppin on the wayman" which I've never heard of"
we all laughed....STOP FOR WHAT? he asked , I told him, he said "No Problem" ( a phrase that already was burned in my mind). We stopped in a alley behind what looked like a KFC but wasn't, and he got OUT and WALKED AWAY, my wife and I looked at each other like "what now?", as we sat there being watched by eyes looking out of doorways and windows and the sweat pouring off of us, he finally popped back in the window and sked"HOW MUCH?", I looked in my wallet and except for TCs all I had left was......ONE-ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL!.....GREAT....he looked at me with a odd look......turned around and walked back out of sight...with my bill, mumbling something about tourists...........We sat there for a very long time
and the words BOY I AM STUPID formed in two minds at the same time, here I sat there in this very small car, waiting for a stranger in a foreign country to bring me illegal drugs..... AND MY CHANGE!!,..... my wife, Bless Her Heart looked at me with a look that only a forgiving mother could use to look at a Ignorant Son.!!!!!!!........sooo we sat there ,dripping, my mind was thinking of how I was going to explain all of this to my mother in law at her daughters hearing,(or funeral?)and the fan kept going click-click-click.......
........well,I thought at least Ill lose some weight in jail if we don't get killed right here, right now,with all those eyes looking at us from those doorways and windows, and my wife Bless Her Heart,sat in the back with a drop of sweat hanging from the end of her cute...heat stroked flushed nose(that she gets just before she passes out) and managed to say ..."Well, a new all time best Honey,you managed to get us in a impossibly hopeless situation in only 90 minutes after walking off the PLANE !.........Thank God about then he pops back in the car and we drive off......finally AIR .....MOVING,SWEAT EVAPORTATING AIR...............before anyone said one word..HE STOPPED AND GOT OUT AGAIN AND RAN DOWN TO A ALLEY AND GONE!!!!!...I said thats IT!........get out...lay down....hands out......and be polite and think are my underwear clean??? My MOM-"Bless Her Heart" was right, "always put on clean underwear "
But he came right back,holding a fist full of what looked like colored paper all wadded up, he got in and passed the baseball size lump to me and we drove off to SEAWIND.
As we drove the sights were amazing (No Pepsi only Coke)( No Mickey D's)
the road was scattering of huts,people were standing around waiting for a car to pull off to the side of road (which was mostly empty back then) and do-whatever they had to do! Buying-Selling-Trading-or just plain talking! My wife "Bless Her Heart", was taking photos here and there while my thoughts were on the wad of whatever that was in my shorts, put there on the advice of "Driver Mon".....
Pulling into the lot at SeaWind Resort we were met with a mob of Spring Breakers!!!!! Check in would be A WHILE.......We sat on the steps now starting to sweat again....when from behind a voice told me that I had a phone call? at the desk??????.I got up walked past that mess of Perfumed
Adolescents...and picked up the phone a voice said "ARE YOU CHECKING IN"?...to which I replied yes to and gave her my name..."WAIT A MOMENT"
I stood there and checked the lobby out...HMMMMM there is a rock archway that had a door marked CAVE ????......a few standard glass table tops for the new unsteady guest to fall on and ??????.....
a lovely woman at a desk looking busy shuffling papers around ,and a......"WOULD YOU LIKE A UPGRADE?" the voice asked.... I replied "SURE WOULD".....the voice said...
......."DO YOU SEE A WOMAN AT A DESK IN FRONT OF YOU?"..."YES" I said....""GOOD, WALK OVER TO ME" she said as she put the phone down...I laughed as I went over to her ,,we chatted and to make a short story for about 50 US we went to the top of Tower One in a 2-Room Corner Suite with balcony's....WOW The power of the US Dollar !!. Our driver who was still
waiting was paid and he stated he would be around for a DAY! or TWO ???
"Boy I thought these guys really hang on .....We took the lift to our room and after some more tipping here and there we fell on the bed......Damm..why don't they send somebody ahead to turn on the DAMM AC ????.that done I remembered my wad of "crap' in my pocket, I took it out and here was two joints......in the middle of a bunch of monopoly money-looking bills....JA money...WOW it sure is pretty...counting.....counting ...admiring . WOW
there was about 2700 dollars in funny money ,all sizes even coins all pretty....
I was amazed, I had kina-wanted a little more quantity but WOW......a honest cabbie...WOW....
We headed down to the beach, thinking this is nice,ELAVATORS....no more steps for us ???????. walking to the water I noticed a sign that said to "NUDE BEACH"....OK OK I think we should go that way, I said to my wife...
almost dragging her "Bless her Heart", down that path...I couldn't wait,,the walk took forever....as we got to the "CLOTHING OPTIONAL: sign I saw the empty beach....SHIT I murmured, all this way for nothing, Oh well get in and get wet.... We set down on the sand and took a drink from one of the bottles of cold-ish Red Stripe that we had bought, and I looked around, saw the beach was empty...took out and lit one of the Spliffs I had bought....
Oh My God Knock Mi Socks Off......Kent State-Dr.Timothy Leary-Cheech n Chong...it all came back............
Going for our first swim I walking out to the water found myself sinking in the sand just offshore, and when I pulled my leg out it was GREEN...what the hell......Sea Mud DEAD FISH YUCK YUCK.....I washed it off my wife
Bless her Heart said, "PEOPLE PAY BIG BUCKS FOR MUD PAKS IN EXPENSIVE SPAS" "YA" ???I said...OK lets try it....so we dug out a bunch of sea-clay packed it all over my body, and I lay-ed in the sun until I dried a bright almost florescent GREEN,"Lets smoke the other one, and I will walk back to our rooms and wash off there" I said ...and mon... I wish we had taken pictures of not me but the people that I walked past !!!! It was something to see, a group of young school-kids were on a tour of a resort hotel, as they approached I hid behind a tree and jumped out in front of them...... '"MUD-MAN" screamed one little girl as they all scattered like ants....after all was decided that it was OK ...they had quite a laugh...........
In the hotel it got even hotter in the clay, as we got to the doors of the elevators the people that had been standing there moved quietly aside as I walked in ,neither my wife Bless her Heart, nor I said a word as the doors closed around us,just before the doors were completely shut, we thought we heard a woman that was saying my wife's name.
to be continued if you desire ??
RE: Because of your requests, here is the first part of our book - rootswoman - 06-29-2014
Yes Please!
I'M hooked!
and when Dread gets home I am going to ask him to "highlight" this report so it will be more noticeable.
Thanks Rambo - I know I bugged you to do this and I for one really apreciate it! I love your writing style!
RE: Because of your requests, here is the first part of our book - Likkle Red - 06-29-2014
I remember when you first posted this Rambo. I loved it then and I love it even more this time around! Carry on!
RE: Because of your requests, here is the first part of our book - Angel - 06-29-2014
Rambo you started this so now you must finish it please. I have had a few laughs already. I remember some of this from before but don't stop. Enjoying it again.
RE: Because of your requests, here is the first part of our book - Rambo - 06-29-2014
(06-29-2014, 04:02 PM)rootswoman Wrote: Yes Please!
I'M hooked!
and when Dread gets home I am going to ask him to "highlight" this report so it will be more noticeable.
Thanks Rambo - I know I bugged you to do this and I for one really apreciate it! I love your writing style!
Thanks for the compliment, it was fun for me also, I hadn't read it for awhile, it brought back fond memories, I wish we could go back and relive it..the first trip is always the best, at least for us it was, we knew nothing, which made it more exciting......and to the best of my memories, ITS ALL TRUE !!!!! LOL
RE: Because of your requests, here is the first part of our book - Schuttzie - 06-30-2014
LOL, oh my goodness this is great!!! I've not read your famous reports and I am loving this one. Please continue.....
RE: Because of your requests, here is the first part of our book - kylake - 06-30-2014
Thanks Rambo, an interesting start. I have never read the one you posted over there, so it is all new to me.
RE: Because of your requests, here is the first part of our book - Westenders - 06-30-2014
Hi Rambo
I really enjoyed reading your piece too, hope to see more soon.
RE: Because of your requests, here is the first part of our book - 2nutz4travel - 06-30-2014
First time reading this for myself as well - enjoying it
Stayed at Seawind my 1st trip to Jamaica, back in 1986.Would love to see more!
RE: Because of your requests, here is the first part of our book - suzengrace - 06-30-2014
More please....great read...