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+---- Thread: I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? (/showthread.php?tid=66259)
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I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? - booger - 05-15-2013
<P>It started as a pub crawl amongst friends where we would all wear an inappropriate shirt and let the bartenders vote on who was the ringer. While searching for shirts I came across no less than 10 different ones. Most of which made it with me on this trip and all drew interesting conversation. And each has a story that for better or worse cements a memory of my longest stay yet. My liver does thank me for finally coming home........
Re: I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? - oldtimer - 05-15-2013
<P>nothing like a "smooth" package ....Brazillian style...
Re: I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? - rootswoman - 05-15-2013
<P>off to a good start!<BR>
Re: I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? - suzengrace - 05-15-2013
<P>bring in on !!!! LOL<img class="refimg" src="http://www.jamericans.net/clipart2/emo16.gif" border="0" alt="">
Re: I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? - Yamangurl - 05-15-2013
<P>OMG what a funny tag line Booger!
Re: I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? - mud - 05-15-2013
<P>After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had onl...y been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.<P>I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.<P>At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.<P>Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.<P>Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.<P>Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.<P>This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.<P>Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ".<P>Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....
Re: I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? - booger - 05-15-2013
<P>We arrived in town on Wednesday night after a long ass flight from So Cal and headed to Seastar to get checked in. On the way in my wife and I said no going out and that we would just chill at Seastar and go to bed at a decent time. Yeah right, I was fired up once I hit town and would end up at Miyard at some point. I was jonesing for an egg sandwich and up until that time I have not had a better one than the one Miyard makes.<P>Thursday was a chill in the pool day which ended with a late night at Miyard munching on egg sandwiches. The big day was Friday as it was the day of the annual "boardie bash." I had been in town for the last two years at the same time but could give a shit about going, so this would be my first one. And did I have the perfect shirt for the occasion.<P><img class="refimg" src="/webbbs/images/main/picbooger37.jpg" border="0" alt=""><P>Let's just say that it was well received and garnered all sorts of great comments. Little did I know that I would run into Father Jim from the Soup Kitchen and I have to admit I was a little embarrassed. Alright, I really wasn't but it did make for a funny moment. Most people there were the same chill like minded people that I have run across before in Negril, except for a couple of haters. Or should I say a hater couple.<P>The vibe grew old so we set down the beach to finish our beach crawl. Being around too many people is not my thing, hence why you will NEVER see me at an AI. Little did I know at that time that multiple people from that other board would hit me up randomly throughout the week asking me why I was hating on someone in particular. It frankly got old as I cannot stand drama and choose not to hang out with drama queens, especially while on vacation. Little man was stirring the pot and making up god knows what stories to discredit me and some of my friends. Funny how many different stories and reasons would come out over the next week and a half. All complete BS of course, but really I am on vacation and could give a shit.<P>The real big day was actually Saturday as a bunch of friends were showing up and it was time to take over Catcha. This was my 7th stay there and by now it feels like I'm sorta coming home.
Re: I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? - booger - 05-15-2013
<P>Thanks Mud for the laugh..... First time I have seen that one and thought it was your story till BP set it straight. <img class="refimg" src="http://www.jamericans.net/clipart/001_bsmeter.gif" border="0" alt="">
Re: I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? - RGondaRoad - 05-15-2013
<P>Mud - funny story. I had a waxing incident two years ago and I can't walk by those products in the store without feeling nautious (sp?)<P>Booger - OMG, LOL!!! I spit my drink. When I read your post this morning (before you filled it in more) I'm thinking...wha????? does it make for better floppability?<P>As far as avoiding drama on your vacation...good for you. Some people really have nothing better to do than stir the shit...which never ceases to amaze me being in a place like Negril which can be so chill and relaxed and lovely - maybe boredom gets the best of some. My social circle thankfully doesn't intersect all that much with all of that, it never did, and for that I'm grateful. My posse is still the coolest bunch of folks you ever want to know - so giving to the community, full of love and and the true spirit of Idren - and still committed to performing random acts of silliness just to make people smile. Still, some folks love to talk shit...and I just laugh. Miserable people need to be left to their own misery. You can't help them and all you can say is "step away from the happy place". Looking forward to hearing about the rest of your trip.
Re: I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS? - brasi - 05-16-2013
<P>Booger, nice start. As one of the main "targets" of said haters (verified by many friends, a business owner I like a lot, and random Facebook acquaintances) I chose to avoid said Boardie Bash...I have no time for mosquitoes. I hang around with eagles.<P>I am excited to read your trip report and just as excited to share with those here on the Yellow Board that the "2nd Annual Brasi's Bellyflop Challenge" raised over $700 for charity...specifically for St. Anthony's Soup Kitchen. This is a credit to the group roughly known as the Turtles and our friends, as well as Chris and Francine @ Seastar Inn. So many people helped and assisted I can't thank them all here...but it was a TEAM effort. We work together.<P>I have heard the boardie bash raised around $300. What a nice windfall between the two events for a great cause.<P>I'd like to thank Rob and Lisa for following our lead (and being shining examples of positivity for all to see) and helping out St. Anthony's.<P>And now, back to the regularly scheduled trip report by my fine friend Booger.