02-27-2014, 08:34 PM
<P>Negril: +85 F<BR>Mpls/St.Paul: -15 F<P>Sure is "great" being home.<P>The concert scene has been stupendous in Negril with Bounty Killer, Sizzla, and Coco Tea all headlining shows on seemingly near-consecutive nights. Buying my tickets pre-sale has saved me a lot of money (ie-$5 a ticket for Coco Tea). But man o' man are the shows running late with headliners rarely taking the stage before 2 a.m. (Bunny Wailer this March 4.)<P>You can spend a lot of money (ie-jet ski, parasail, booze cruise, etc) to capture sensory pleasure...or you can simply float on an air mattress and experience stress-relieving wave therapy. Nice way to relax. Let the ocean do the work. Five stars.<P>Went snorkeling. $25. Enjoyed myself, but the reef(s) are fairly mundane from an experienced scuba diver's perspective. A relatively small ray (say 5-6 foot wingspan) easily made for the swim's highlight as it cruised back and forth without concern for my presence.<P>Snorkel boat crew not exactly first rate. The "glass bottom" was covered in algae and somewhat opaque. Rather ridiculous if you ask me. Anyways, I chided them about it so they cleaned it while we snorkeled. The day before they were set to take off when they realized they didn't have enough gas so the boat owner had to drive downtown for fuel while their passengers waited. And get this, I was on board with my gal when three middle-aged ladies approached the bobbing boat to climb the ladder to get on board with their purses and bags in hand and the crew did nothing to assist them despite the obviously difficulty the first lady was having, so I got up and offered them a hand. Was the crew busy? No, they were just talking to one another waiting on the ladies.<P>So I'm having a conversation with a jewelry vendor I've known for years sharing some Jamaican peanuts under the shade of a palm tree when a colleague of hers comes over and they start conversing in patois so I only have a vague idea what they're saying. When he leaves I decide it best to request a translation as my ears no doubt deceived me. "Did he just say he wanted to eat a peanut out of your butt?" "Yes," she replied, "but I work with him everyday."<P>Reverend B.B. cruising down Norman Manley blaring his pre-recorded Money Cologne concert pitch at 4 a.m. after the Bounty Killer show.<P>Sat in a government yard in Trenchtown surrounded by pickney who read an Arthur storybook out loud to me in unison. This also rates five stars on the vacation meter. Juggled some palm tree nuts for them before departing. Then gasped as I looked out the tour bus window as we departed when the most vocal reader and teacher's-pet-type, a girl of about 7 or 8 dressed in pink, flips the bird at someone with middle finger and lower lip extended. Uh, that was NOT in the storybook.<P>Bank in downtown Kingston with gold-tinted windows and a helipad on the roof. Helicopter at the ready.<P>Visited swank area of Kingston aka "Beverly Hills. Bullet holes decorate the Guardsman security sign as you drive past sprinter Asafa Powell's home.<P>Domino tip: Always be sure and check your Ja girlfriend's skirt for "fallen" dominoes when she dominoes and you thought she still had one left. This of course can jeopardize further play if the search becomes more intense and clothing is removed. Verification, however, is essential. Five stars.<P>Went to Cafe GOA one morning and soon wished I hadn't when it took 10 minutes for someone to acknowledge my presence. Left 10 minutes later when I still hadn't received my bloody mary or ordered my food. There was only one other table with customers so I'm not sure why the service was so bad. Coffee is $250 if that gives you any idea what the prices on the menu are like.<P>Took a photo of the crosswalk light outside Times Square. It's busted and dangling from a wire with the sign illuminating the ground. The crosswalk guards outside the Grand Pineapple get no respect as vehicles buzz through their out-stretched handheld stop signs.<P>French fries cost $200 at Bourbon Beach if your order is a take-out order; and $300 if you eat them there on a plate (aka "with service" per their confusing chalkboard menu.)<P>Next: Canadian granny and her constantly vomiting Rasta-tute jerk vendor boyfriend; whoosh butt; Tuff Gong studios; curry goat; ganja cake theatre (and more)
